Love in a time of Chaos
Catch my Disease
Back in November I began contemplating Chaos. My roommate was contemplating Sacrifice - We were both deeply attuning to Death. Life shows up and asks you, how deep are you willing to go? What is your sacrifice? What does chaos represent?
On the drive home from a holiday weekend I listened to “Stuff You Should Know: Chaos Theory” where they talk about determinism and exponentials. These are math theories, ideas of numbers and order but I’d like to apply these ideas to what’s happening with us now. We live our lives as if living a finite determined X. We don’t know what number/how long X represents other than the number of years we will be alive here on earth as the person we are today. DNA shows us that inherited family/ancestor patterns are predetermined however, if you’ve ever seen children play, you know that even if it looks like a pasta strainer to you, they see it as any number of potential things.
It’s the same as living a deterministic or exponential life. You can take the path you have laid you before you and feel safe and secure knowing this path leads to these places. Add in a few detours, because nobody can predetermine their life entirely (ask an actuary) and you believe in this path so strongly you forget to leave room for what’s possible.
This is where chaos comes in. Chaos can bring you all kinds of possibilities. In fact, the patterns of exponential possibility are so vast, you can’t actually comprehend the HOW of those possibilities. These potentialities can throw you into fear or contraction, like a turtle pulling it’s head back in and/or perhaps you lash out like a wild starving animal in an attempt to consume everything around you.
Either way, both these patterns of behavior can lead you back to your way of living out your determinism. It’s just too much to try and hold and live From chaos, we don’t feel safe and secure. Once we lose the feeling of security, we drop love and compassion and ultimately shut down to ourselves and others. In this way of thinking there is a limited number of “things” which invokes a survival response and in many ways, that’s where we are finding ourselves today.
The question I’m feeling today is, What am I willing to Sacrifice to allow Chaos? How can I be with, thrive with the exponential changes that are happening today? Where is the Love in a time of Chaos?
Click the links to add another layer of experience.
Blossoming is the naturally occurring expression of a blossom.
We forget that we too are blossoms
Opening ourselves to life is our natural state
We are both the gardener and the fecund garden
Learning what to cultivate and what to prune.
Week 3 of Sentimentality and Longing.
We've been busy playing with time. Finding our experience of time as we walk in the day to day world. Sometimes, we think about the past with love and fondness, sometimes, not. Sometimes we think of the future with anxiety and tension, sometimes, not.
A deepening of preference arises as soon as you can see, hear, feel and relate to your past and future. This is a game of the mind, we can play it like 3 dimensional chess or like twister, both can be wildly satisfying and delicately experienced.
Preference is when we can see, hear, feel and relate to desire and then play with experience. This play is new and just like when we were kids, we have preferences.
The feeling, sensing, awareness in our bodies are part of our humanity.
Our ability to understand the deepest, widest nature of those feelings is what brings us to a fullness of belonging. No longer held to our thinking, we become free to feel, everything, and those sensations, those arisings, are welcomed as an honored guests, as sisters.
We come together to fill our containers. Sometimes we forget we are not alone, sometimes we forget there is no container and sometimes.... we rest with not knowing and allow the river to fill us.
This is week 3 of our Venus course and the deep intersubjectivity of belonging. We are always in relationship, the depth of our awareness determines the quality of exchange.
Playlists for Sep 2 and Sep 9
The juiciness of Freedom and the spaciousness of Fullness
Days go by and we forget our suffering and one day, we are given a gift of want, need, desire. How did we forget to suffer? Where was our overthinking all that time? Where was our noticing of what we were missing, what we didn't have, where we didn't belong.
Suffering is such a strong word, it reminds us of our darkest hours, our broken hearts, our loss, grief, sorrow. We forget we are suffering when we are distracted, when we are dissatisfied, seeking.. something.
This seeking, this drive towards the "thing" we want but don't have, it's the exact thing that will bring you right to your suffering. There's a gift there and, feeling the grace of this gift is no easy path. The rising of the body once again, the calming and including of the mind and the surrender to our own heart. These are the gifts that can lead you towards a deep feeling of wholeness, juicy, spacious, wholeness.
This week's playlist
The Mantis and the Butterfly
Stopped along the path
The struggle of birth and death
Both Alive in Grace
The theme for the week was crazy. The Divine Madness and inexplicable chaos of Life. For this week there were two writings because things got a little crazy
If you are ready to be a little mad, only then is there any possibility of any contact between you and the infinite.
It has to be so.
When the whole ocean drops into a drop, the drop is going to get crazy.
When the infinite descends into the finite, how can the finite remain sane?
It has to go mad.
The old mystics have always called it
” THE DIVINE MADNESS ”
All meditation is an approach towards divine madness.
Stake all human sanity.
It is better to be mad in a divine way than to be sane in a human way.
I am crazy.
You too will find your strength.
We who must live in this time
cannot imagine how strong you will become--
how strange, how surprising,
yet familiar as yesterday.
We will sense you
like a fragrance from a nearby garden
and watch you move through our days
like a shaft of sunlight in a sickroom.
We will not be herded into churches,
for you are not made by the crowd,
you who meet us in our solitude.
We are cradled close in your hands--
and lavishly flung forth.
Rainer Maria Rilke
Here's the writing and playlist for Sunday's class
We invite all the buried rage up into consciousness, so we can finally meet it. We connect with the furious inner one, hold him in our arms at last, let her exist, and live, and express. Ask him what she needs, deep down....
What vulnerability is the rage trying to bring to our attention? Let us shower this precious little one inside with fascinated attention, and give him a home, a voice.
Anger is not bad, wrong or a sign of our weakness or failure. It is a precious inner one,
longing to be let into our Light. Jeff Foster
For class each week something arises, that shows, leads me to weave a story about how we are connected. This week it was This is America the new release from Childish Gambino his sharing of what he sees, how he feels, the invitation to experience. Through his offering, the world responded with their views, their feelings and their experience.
One of the offerings was an article written by Aida Amoako which focused on the dancing. Amaoko wrote of mirror neurons and kinesthetic empathy and quoted historical and current dance teachers who have been pioneering the exploration of our feeling nature. Her sharing has inspired me further to talk more about embodiment and awareness practice.
When we are young, we learn about the world through our body, our senses. As children we create our embodiment map that then creates the meaning for all our experiences. As adults, we wear our meaning and most of us end our days never exploring our map, our territory. It’s like clothing we don’t even know we can remove, we have come to believe it is our skin. For some, an awakening comes, an infusion of awareness and we become the person pointing to ourselves (and others) seeing for the first time the layers upon layers covering our true self. We can spend years, even a lifetime, taking these layers off in an attempt to feel our original skin.
When we awaken into wholeness, we can see all the layers, every single piece of clothing has been laid out. Not just from our closet but from all the closets. Family closets, culture closets, human closets, planetary closets, so many doors. We are offered an invitation to feel our original skin once again, accepting this invitation is like feeling kinesthetic compassion. The neurons being to be mirrored with everything and through awareness, we can experience life with deep connectedness to everything and everyone.
The map we created leads us to our very own treasure. Our feeling nature comes home and we once again can feel ourselves in our original skin. The skin that is connected to family, culture, nature, humanity and to Awareness itself. We have become Whole.
Connections are made with videos and articles, with the wind, neptune and our mother. Learning to be aware of your map, the closets, your feeling nature and Awareness itself is my offering in service to you. Be well my loves.
Currently teaching in Sedona every Sunday morning. Each week I post my playlists and occasionally on Facebook, post the poem or writing of the day. See Embodiment Labs for more info.